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"Ouch," texted Brian Laws to Owen Coyle.
"I'd better put my tin hat on," texted Owen Coyle to Brendan Flood. If this was a flippant, tongue in cheek little joke, I don't think he realised the depth of feeling waiting for him.
And yes the football gods do play jokes on us. Me and Mrs T will not be there, we'll be away, so we'll miss the ear-splitting greeting that will be given to Owen Coyle, the jeers and catcalls that are sure to rain down, the banners that will surely appear, brought out of cupboards or from under the stairs where they have lain since the night at the Reebok earlier this year. I do not think for a minute that Owen Coyle will do a John Bond and disguise himself as a steward. He will stride onto the pitch and tough it out. He was told when he left, that if he walked out in mid-season that "he would be hated with a passion." But when he was told, he just couldn't see it. And: a dilemma for Brian Laws to face and a decision to ponder over - first team or squad players for this game? Bitterness still remains strong following the sorry end to last season. A Burnley win might just bring closure.
So Cardiff went top a couple of weeks ago after beating Portsmouth. Here's some fascinating stuff about who pays the players' wages from one of the Sunday hacks. Craig Bellamy receives £85k a week but £64k comes from Man City. Seyi Olofinjana receives £27k a week but £16 comes from Hull City. Jason Koumas receives £29k a week, but £19k comes from Wigan Athletic. Andy Keogh receives £22k a week and Wolves pay £12k. If my maths is right that means that Cardiff are subsidised to the tune of £111k a week which is nearly £6million a year. And that is twice what Burnley's budget was just a matter of three or four years ago.
Kyle Lafferty was sent off again at Rangers and the subject of a short little piece in When Saturday Comes where his future at Rangers was in some doubt, and posing the question, just who on earth will want this specimen if Rangers decide they don't. Last season he was derided up there for his Chris Waddle mullet hairstyle, and this season for, wait for it, a skunk-like ginger stripe. He is also known for being a regular and enthusiastic member of Glasgow's nightlife. It was a member of Burnley's management (who shall remain nameless in case Lafferty phones him) that when brains were given out, Lafferty was at the back of the queue. Surely the jury can't still be out on the lad. That is to say: is he a player with huge potential still to come if managed correctly, or just a flash in the pan for whom £4million was daylight robbery? Surely answer 'b' is the correct one.
Why on earth would someone actually want to buy Steve Cotterill's Portsmouth? Someone apparently is. Entrepreneur, 21 year old Tom Lever, a Manchester businessman, hopes he can mount a £16million bid to buy out Portpin. Lever would then pump in another £14million. What puzzles me is; why is Burnley of no interest to anyone; be they Indian billionaires, Thai millionaires, or even someone such as young Tom Lever. Ok it's a small club in a small town, but it has superb traditions and history, is well run, is in the black, has a terrific squad, and has the potential to succeed again. Just why is it that the big money boys pass us by. And then second question, do we actually want them involved?
Meanwhile news emerged about the status of Mr Ali Syed, the Indian billionaire who wants to take over Blackburn Rovers. The BBC did a bit of an investigation and discovered a few tasty bits and pieces about the guy. Records show he failed to pay a £65k county court judgement. Other debts include £7,800 in unpaid rent, and nearly £1,000 in unpaid council tax. Mt Ali suddenly vacated the flat he leased in May 2005. The agent said he left the flat littered with unopened mail and shredded documents, leaving it in a very, very bad condition and everything was turned upside down. He should fit in at Rovers quite well then. The agent said solicitors and bailiffs had been unable to find him since. Today, the website of his Western Gulf Advisory company says he plays a role on the boards of 133 companies worldwide. The BBC has found out that some companies he claims to operate have been dissolved. One Indian journalist investigating him said he is seemingly an unknown figure in what he claims to be his hometown. And sources in Bahrein suggested he is similarly unknown in Bahrein's financial circles, where his company Western Gulf, is based. Sources in Blackburn on hearing all of this said: "What the f*** is going on?" A top official of the Burnley based BFC supporters club said, "He sounds just right for Blackburn Rovers." And Barry K was heard to mutter, "I hope he has nowt to do with Lionbridge.
In the Leicester Mercury somewhere is what sounds to be a cracking read about Burnley and the Leicester game. "Burnley Football Club appears to be the most important thing in the town. There hardly seems to be a man woman or child who is not wearing claret and blue. I cannot think of another place where club and town are so closely identified with each other. Leicester may have touched upon it during the reigns of Martin O Neill and Brian Little. But this is unique."
Written by fan Gary Silke, the blurb then goes on to say the rest of the piece is in the Leicester Mercury. So I googled the Mercury but where this article is escapes me. If anyone has found it do please get in touch. I eventually got to a page that said click here to read full article, which promptly took me back to where I started in the first place and all there was, was the first enticing paragraph. It was like one of those annoying attempts you make to get through to the right department of something like BT or British Gas, where there's a multiple choice menu to go through, and all that happens after half an hour is you end up right back where you started.
One of the best football books I've read is John Aizlewood's Playing at Home. Between August 1997 and May 1998 he went to a game at every one of the 92 League clubs. He got to Burnley when we played Plymouth in the Waddle end-of-season game that saw Burnley win and stay up. Aizlewood's assessment of Burnley, the town, was much the same as Silke's, that it is a unique place, with a unique bond between town and club. 'This is real football, a place where football and town are the way they are because of each other… Charter Walk Shopping Centre, where short skirts are in, but shapely legs are out…. Ralph Coates a man with a Shredded Wheat hair-do he appears to dye a curious orange…" It's a fabulous chapter, and Aizlewood let me put it in No Nay Never Volume One. He visited Chesterfield that season, 'where lower league footballers are not even household names in their own households'. Burney were there that day and Chesterfield won 1 - 0. At the final whistle "Chris Waddle shrugs his shoulders, folds his arms and lumbers towards the tunnel alone." Chesterfield fans chanted at him, "You're s**t and you know you are." I was absent from most Burnley games during that era, but I'm told than Burnley fans chanted much the same.
Preston, next home game, it used to be the local 'derby' we waited for, lips drooling. Now it's the Bolton game. Preston pales into insignificance, just another game. At the MK Dons FA Cup game when Coyle was about to depart, Darren Ferguson was at the ground. We put two and two together and got it wrong. Fortunately he went to Preston where he has successfully guided them towards the bottom end. With no game for two weeks and all the lads rarin' to go and refreshed there was no expectation of a win, but certainly careful optimism. The game marked a return for David Unsworth now on the PNE coaching staff. In a Press interview he hinted that he had perhaps made the wrong decision not accepting a similar offer at Burnley.
A late kick off at 5 15 for TV, the BBC no less, not a full house, a poor turnout from Preston, the buzz of a derby, even if it was only Preston; after two weeks off all of us ready for a game; outside the ground the sounds of a brass band playing - nice. And once the game started even the delight of an early 1 - 0 lead to give the supporters chance to exercise their lungs.
And then the recurring feature of this fixture, yet another crass referee with decisions at both ends that changed the course of the game. First, a free kick given against Iwelumo that was never a free kick in a million years; seconds later the ball in the back of the Burnley net but the Preston player controlled the ball on his arm before firing home. Burnley went to pieces, the ball given away time and again, Edgar, a centre-back, a fish out of water at right-back, Marney running a lot but doing little, Wallace invisible, Paterson misplaced at wide right. The Lone Ranger Iwelumo desperately needing a Tonto, Eagles kicking his heels on the bench, Thompson kicking water bottles, and me kicking the wife's handbag. Head in hands in despair at half time, head in hands at the sheer awfulness of it as Preston took a 3 - 1 lead, 3 bloody 1, unbelievable, depressing, dire, error-strewn, and a few hundred of the crowd going home early muttering profanities.
But then Laws did what he should have started with, Eagles and Cork were brought on, Edgar replaced at right back, at last the flair players on and the game changed. Another crass ref decision came when Cork's header was handled in the area and ignored. But then this became the game with everything; a red card for Preston that let Burnley back in, there had already been a mass brawl, an Iwelumo hat-trick, an immense display throughout from Bikey, superb impact from the three subs, wild crowd scenes, Preston supporters in tears (silly sods), Burnley fans in tears of joy (quite right), aggro and abuse between the PNE goalie and a dozen Burnley numpties, a turnaround so dramatic as to warrant as many superlatives as you can think of - but masking what was up until then another iffy performance with the ball given away over and again, with few forays into the Preston box, and then post-match trouble in the town centre after the game. Phew
Preston manager Ferguson was incredulous at the sending off, a second yellow card for time wasting, yet another of the referee's questionable decisions, but gratefully accepted thank you very much. Perhaps it made up for the decisions that went against Burnley at Deepdale in the promotion season. Memo to Preston supporters - you win some you lose some but it's one of the rules of this derby - it will always be a dodgy ref.
10 points from 15, three home wins, 5th in the table - but chants of "Brian Laws' Claret and Blue Army" conspicuous by their absence; and on the website it's clear to see the jury is still out on the manager.
So: QPR top, Burnley fifth and Portsmouth bottom after game 5; in the Premier League Blackpool on course for Europe and in Division One, Rochdale on course for the Championship and Southampton on course for oblivion.