Custard Arrives

Martin and myself were the ones to discuss the game whilst John dealt with more pressing matters. Eventually it was off into Salzburg where the sun had come out and the temperatures had soared. John phoned home to check in and then we found the first bar of the day.

That was my cue to update everyone at home and I left them in the bar and found the most expensive internet cafe in the world to update Clarets Mad, with Martin and John preferring a couple of drinks or four and John sending some postcards from t'Ostria to his family.

If the two stone challengers had been wavering over the previous day they well and truly wavered with a small medium large extremely large banana split. The guilty party devoured the whole thing in just a few minutes after claiming there was no way he could. He can confirm that he enjoyed it.

That was the end of lunch and now it was time for a sail down the river. It really was a case of 'Allo 'Allo when John sat next to a French locksmith. "Hello," said John, "Who are you?" "It is I, Leclerc," came the reply. I haev to say the locksmith's wife wasn't the most attractive of ladies but this was definitely not Madam Edith's mother Fannie.

The river cruise reached its finale in true Salzburg style by performing a trio of waltz style spins to the sounds of Mozart who it appears is the local chocolateer.

Martin thoroughly enjoyed the experience, falling asleep from start to finish. "It is the most expensive sleep I've ever had," he said, adding: "It was still better than Stoke at home last season."

We took in many of the sights and sounds in the old town. Some of the sounds were simply wonderful with musicians at every turn. Others, mainly from our own musician John, were hardly acceptable who was performing his own version of Trumpet Voluntary.

Suddenly the Clarets Mad team thought they had received a visit from his Holiness of Todmorden. There it was, a gleaming blue Bentley with the personal registration 1 HC.

The car attracted a bigger crowd than anything ever seen at Accrington Stanley with many English visitors deliberating over whose car it could be. Only the Clarets Mad team were aware of HolyCustard.

There was just time for dinner, a final drink and John's football quiz and we could prepare for a visit to a Euro 2008 venue.